The Unknown

Tonight I learned about the sudden death of a 17 month old little girl from a blog I read. In her post she wrote about this fellow blogger and her daughter. I have never heard of this precious little girl, but it did not matter. I am a mother and for that reason alone, we have a bond. I instantly clicked on the link to the home page of this family’s blog and read the only two posts about the sickness of the girl. The first post stated this little girl had a cough and congestion over the weekend. On Monday after a visit to her pediatrician she was sent to the emergency room by ambulance. In this post, although there was an obvious serious undertone, the mother joked about how handsome the EMT was. She obviously had no idea the seriousness of what was to come. The second post, written a day later, was written by a friend and not the mother. It said the little girl had passed away.

I instantly began thinking about Nolan and Griffin and what if that had been one of them? This little girl had a cough and congestion and passed away a day later. I have not read this blog in depth so I am not sure about her medical history. From the little bit I had read, it does seem like she had health issues, but still. This girl was born very premature, but Nolan was born premature too. She was seventeen months old. She was obviously a survivor. I thought about how this mom had no idea while riding in the ambulance with her precious child, her daughter would be gone the very next day. The tone in her blog post made that clear.

My heart instantly began aching for this mother and father. I cannot begin to fathom how a parent could survive the death of a child. I cannot imagine ANYTHING worse in the whole entire world. Losing a child would be crippling. My world would stop. How does a parent survive this and go on? I would rather experience the worst pain imaginable, if in return, Nolan and Griffin could be spared. I mean I would do anything.

As much as the unknown can be exciting and bring about joyful surprises, at the same time it can also bring about this. And that terrifies me. It truly means you have no choice but to live for today and live in the moment. It is our only certainty. The mom who wrote the post linking to the story about this little girl, Maddie, lost twin boys while pregnant herself. She said:

“I HATE that she now knows this life that no mother should ever know. She is now part of that club, the club that nobody wants to be part of.”

I pray with all my heart and soul that I nor anyone I know EVER experiences this. She went on to say:

“Hug extra tight, laugh extra hard, forget the dishes, live in the moment and be grateful for the blessings in your life.”

She knows. She has lost the most precious gift herself.

So tonight I did just that. I snuggled in bed with Nolan for a long time. We talked and giggled and laughed. As he told me about his day at school, I kissed his soft cheeks over and over again, rubbed the top of his head, and squeezed him extra tight. I held him as long as I could because only right now is he safe and secure. As a parent I will do my best to always protect Nolan and Griffin, but I know I do not have the ultimate control or the power to predict the future.

It is amazing how learning about a little girl whom I have never met could effect me so much tonight. I feel so blessed and lucky. So as I “Hug extra tight, laugh extra hard, forget the dishes, live in the moment and be grateful for the blessings in my life,” I hope you do the same.

RememberMaddie.com